I’m re-posting a du’a (prayer/supplication) that entered my heart on the day i turned 20, and still remains there-[with revisions to the age number ; ) ].
…Dear Allah, You know what’s in my heart, and my hopes and my dreams and my fears and my nightmares, dear Allah, thank you for every single day that passes by, for every single miniscule miracle, for the molecules and the neurones and the cells and the thousands of metabolic pathways and blue volts of electrical sparks crackling through me and not shocking me, and the perfect harmony in which each detail integrates with a million others just to allow me to be here- aware, allowing me to sustain my existnance without me consciously trying to. Dear Allah, i know that at the moment, absolutely fairly, i’d classify myself as basically a doofus and a waste of space, but Allah, You’re ar-Rahmaan and ar-Raheem. You understand just why i’m a loser and you understand how i want to rise above the loserishness and you know, fulfill those dreams. Even if i don’t completely understand those dreams. Or why i even have them. And it’s You that gives me the strength and hope to just make it to another day, even when i wish sometimes that You didn’t. And You are absolutely Awesome. I mean, I think You’re awesome, but i’m also equally aware of how little the feeling of my awesomeness of You can actually define or understand just how awesome You really are. Dear Allah, i know i shouldn’t be freaking out about turning 20. Because frankly, that’s the lamest reason in all the world to freak out- i can think of a million other things to be freaking out. But You know me- i’m like that, i can’t help it. But Allah, i know that in the midst of all this confusion and fear for the future, which what this basically is, You’re there. So it’s okay. Y’Allah, please grant me, and help me to realise the strength i’ll need, that everyone of these puny puny humans need to make it. Please help me to be a better person, to grow and to learn, to experience all this world has to offer without being scared of how it may change me. Y’Allah, let me make a difference to even justone person, let me touch someone’s life, make them stop, make them see You with piercing clarity, even if it’s for one second (although it’d be cool if it was for a lifetime), let me fight the good fight. Basically all that mushy stuff that i mumble away all the time in my head and my heart and in my duas but feel stupidly ridiculous articulating. But You don’t think its ridiculous. And that’s another reason why You’re so, so awesome.
Y’Allah, please, please, let the next 20 years be filled with You.
Ameen
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